You’ve booked the photographer. You’ve picked a date for your engagement session. And somewhere in the back of your head there’s a small worry that won’t quite go away… how is he going to handle this?
Maybe he’s said something already. Maybe he hasn’t said anything at all, which is somehow worse.
If you’re wondering how to prepare your groom for engagement photos, there is a little you can do, and I’ll get to that at the end. But the part you’re actually worried about… whether he’ll be any good at this, whether he’ll hate every minute of it… that part’s on me.
“I’m fine with photos, but he’s awkward and doesn’t know what he’s doing”
That is probably the sentence I hear from brides more than any other. I get emails about it constantly, and I hear it at sessions too, usually while he’s standing right there.
My response is always the same. “Oh sure, just throw him under the bus without even giving him a chance.”
Haha, this is usually the moment the whole thing loosens up, because now we’re all in on it together and nobody has to pretend this isn’t a little weird.
But here’s what actually gets missed… he doesn’t need to know what he’s doing. Nobody does. Most people have never once had their picture taken by a professional. Or at best you’ve done senior photos where you’re by yourself and told to tilt your chin 38 degrees south and smile with just your eyes. So why would he know what to do with his hands? Where exactly would he have learned that?
Knowing what to do isn’t his job. It’s mine.
Here’s the best news: you’re both going to feel awkward at first. Yes, that’s good. That means you’re normal human beings lol. And that’s the whole point of doing an engagement session in the first place… we get all of that out of the way now, together, well before the day that actually matters 🙂 You get to show him (and yourself) that taking photos is actually pretty easy, and most importantly, FUN.
The groom who didn’t want to be there
I had a guy show up to a session and tell me, right to my face: “Just to let you know… I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to do this, let’s get this over with.”
At least he was honest with me! But it’s always the tough ones that are the most fun to win over. By the end of that session he was having so much fun he wanted to keep going even after we ran out of light.
And honestly, that’s not unusual. The most common thing I hear from grooms at the end of a session is some version of “that wasn’t as bad as I thought.” I’ll take it every time.
What preparing your groom for engagement photos actually looks like
Most articles on this will hand you a checklist of things to do beforehand. I’d rather tell you what happens once you’re actually standing there, because that’s the part nobody explains, and it’s the part he’s quietly worried about.
Nobody touches a camera for the first five or ten minutes. We just talk. How you met, how long you’ve been together, what you two are like together. You would be amazed how much of the awkwardness burns off before anyone is being photographed.
Then, still no camera, I walk you both through the basics. A few simple things to do with your feet and your hands, one pose to start from, and a couple of little tricks that make a big difference.
So by the time I actually lift the camera, you’re not standing there wondering what happens next. You already know your first pose. That’s a little bit of confidence before the first photo ever gets taken, and it changes everything about how the rest of the session goes.
And here’s the thing… he’s not doing any of this alone. You’ve got each other out there. Someone to look at, someone to talk to, someone to laugh with when it feels silly. He’s not the problem in this equation. He’s the reason it works.
So what do you actually need to do?
Less than you think, but not nothing.
Show him a few galleries before the session so he knows what he’s walking into. Most of the nerves come from not knowing, and five minutes of scrolling fixes that. Help him land on something to wear that he actually feels good in. Leave plenty of time to get there, because nothing sets a session up worse than arguing in the car on the way (trust me, I’ve been there).
Then let him be a little awkward at the start, because you will be too, and that’s just the normal part. And try not to spend the whole week beforehand telling him how important this is… that’s the surest way to get him tense before he ever arrives.
The rest is on me. I’ve got him.
Getting married in central PA and still sorting out photography? I’d love to hear what you two are planning. Send me a note and we’ll talk it through.
